Chronological Purification: A Guide to the Whats, Whens, and How-Oftens

Chronological Purification: A Guide to the Whats, Whens, and How-Oftens

Those eggheads over at Popular Science discovered that germ’s lifetimes can differ drastically – this all rests on the back of the bacterium type and material in question. For example, old E.coli can clock out after about 24 hours. Meanwhile, the crafty calicivirus, notorious for orchestrating stomach flu, can endure for entire weeks. Staphylococcus aureus, responsible for all sorts of nasty infections, can stick around for nearly a month on unwashed items. And as for that anthrax mischief-maker? Their bacterial spores can keep at it for hundreds of years!

Feeling anxious? Don’t fret – there are quick and easy ways to keep that pesky bacteria from living it up at your expense. Now, let’s get down to the dirt on how often to clean common areas. Sheets. Sure, you might feel squeaky clean yourself, but even while snoozing our dead skin cells depart, providing nourishment for all sorts of microscopic freeloaders. Time to evict those party-crashers!

Method: Toss those bedclothes in a steaming-hot washing machine. Day-to-day blankets can be given the ol’ tumble in a hot dryer to finish off any lingering baddies.
Frequency: Aim to wash once every 10-14 days. Pro-tip: Hop into bed fresh from the shower to extend the shelf-life of your sheets a little longer. Towels. Wherever you store them – kitchen, bathroom, or gym – they always seem to attract germs. For example, kitchen towels can be exposed to raw meat or dirty hands, while bathroom towels offer humid holiday homes for all sorts of bacteria and fungi. Gym towels are, well, gym towels.

Method: Toss all towels into the washing machine on a hot water cycle. You can use either vinegar or bleach on colorfast items. Frequency: Kitchen towels with even the smallest trace of raw meat should be washed posthaste. Bathroom towels can be used three times at most before laundering, while gym towels can simply be incinerated. Just kidding! For gym towels, keep it hot and watery. Pro-tip: Assign specific colors to your kitchen towels, so you know which are safe, and so you don’t accidentally wash them all every time.

Floors. Believe it, your feet are seasoned travelers of germs, spreading them around the house and letting them hitch a ride into bed or onto pets or children. More feet mean more frequent cleanings!

Method: Slow, steady vacuuming is best for carpets and rugs. Sweep and scrub hard surface floors as needed, keeping an eye on those tricky corners and crevices!
Frequency: The Carpet and Rug Institute suggests vacuuming rooms at least once a week, with high traffic areas receiving daily attention. Hardwood, tile, and vinyl floors may need washing every 1-2 weeks, depending on foot traffic – kitchens and bathrooms likely need even more sanitizing. Pro-tip: Keep dirt in check by making everyone remove their shoes upon entering the house.

Shield Thine Patio and Carriage Trail from Fireworks of Independence Day

Shield Thine Patio and Carriage Trail from Fireworks of Independence Day

Knights and Ladies, bear witness as Independence Days and Canada Days signal the influx of feasts within our yards, merriment in our communities, basking in the golden orb’s smile, and copious displays of fantastical fireworks. Pray, most of us possess knowledge concerning the security measurements of pyrotechnics, from warding them away from the offspring to sustaining a secure distance. Alas, how many of us possess inklings of truth regarding the banishing of unsightly blemishes and charred relics upon our patios, carriage trails, and assorted exoteric surfaces?

‘Tis a truth to confess, such joyous summer incantations will leave naught but scorch marks and marring upon our patios and alternate sacrificial launch platforms. Yet fret not, for unique decontaminations call for spellbinding methodologies of cleansing. Good readers, venture forth to unveil the secrets of shielding thine patio and fortress walls from the embrace of flame.

Commence Harnessing Preventative Sorcery
To ensure safety to thine outdoor spaces, first practice the arts of prevention in anticipation of rocket, smokescreen and sparkler release upon the sky’s canvas. Establish stability for bottle missiles, cakes and candles pre-ignition and flight for their safety and yours. Launching pyrotechnics from sandy soils or earthen splendor might suffice; yet, safety beckons us nigh to our driveways or comparably stable surfaces.

Upon thy steadfast arena, protect thine lofty domains from soot and damage, keeping especially larger, mightier displays in check. The prime counsel, my lieges, lies in employing a wooden plank with supports, dutifully doused in moisture to form an impervious, flame-resistant pedestal.

Combat the Terror of Unseemly Fire Marks
If the twilight of Independent celebration closes, and thy powers of prevention have failed in deflecting fire marks upon thy patio, gird thyself for battle with fire’s scar. Armaments for thine journey include a sweeping device, waste receptacle, weakening tincture, pressurized water dispenser or less-powerful hose, a pail, gauntlets for minimal feeling, an inflexible brush… and, of course, the radiance of the sun.

Begin thy offensive by vanquishing any fragments, ashes and remnants of thine fireworks. When this is complete, initiate a full strike on blackened splotches with a pressurized water device. Apply additional cleansing elixirs if thou feelest so compelled. Post cleansing, thou mayst observe a lighter hue upon the once-stained zones; fear not, as this is evidence of victory.

If thou endeavour to evade the use of tincture or hard labor, allow the natural elements to cleanse thy marks. Sunlight and the sky’s tears shall whisk away remnants of past celebrations, and thou needst simply bide thy time. Stains shall vanish, and thy patio or carriage trail shall gleam anew.

Regardless of the chosen strategy, rest assured that remnants of past pyrotechnic displays shall be but a fleeting memory on thine kingdom’s surfaces.